Hrumph!

You may recall from Christmases past that one of my favorite things about the Christmas season is buying the new Hallmark singing snowman. I love these things. But with great sadness I have to tell you that this year...there is no new singing, dancing plush snowman. There is a singing Snoopy, but honestly I've always associated Snoopy with my neighbor's house that had a weird smell. Not, the cozy holiday cockle warming I'm lookin for. So, I am sad.

I will try to find solace in the annoying potential of the Fridge Snowman.

Cakes's and Chowder's Two Week Wait...

Well, the boys are in and if any of them have survived the wrath of Cakes, they are waiting at the door for the girls to make an appearance. Hopefully one of each will get together and then snuggle in for the next nine months. I have to say though, I'm not feeling particularly optimistic. I have shown no signs of fertility in awhile. But! We wait.

Chowder and the other church have emailed questions back and forth to each other and they are down to two candidates, Chowder being one of them. The church has a lot going on for the next few weeks so they told him that he would hear from them again in two weeks. That was five days ago. It's been odd watching him go through the same things I have during a cycle. Convinced that yes! These are all signs that he is indeed getting the job and then no! these are all the reasons that they have picked someone else. Poor dude. Can't stop obsessing. I wish he could just pee on something and get it over with!

We are a bit frustrated because we would have like to have known by Thanksgiving. Then if we are moving we could have done it at the end of the year, between the kids' semesters. It's not looking like we will have that kind of time. But! we wait.

This man...

I just came across this picture from when Ladybug was born and it took my breath away.

Peek-In-Monday

shoot! I'm a day late! I just bought a cheap, crappy rug (though it looks good from a distance) for our living room. The last one was toast and we have been without one (or a coffee table) for several years, maybe. Anyway, I found this one at Sam's and knew that I didn't have to worry about becoming too attached to it. That's my criteria at this point in time. I won't bring any thing into the house that I will become too upset about losing when it's inevitable demise comes. We don't have "special rooms" in our house. We live in our living room and every other room in this house. Now, I need to head down to the secondhand store to pick up a "new" coffee table.

I have plenty of time for a fancy house with expensive furnishings. Now, is not that time. And when it comes, I expect to be very lonely. On second thought, I will never have time for a fancy house with expensive furnishings. I never want to bring anything into my house that I will become too upset when my grandchildren...

After I brought the rug into the house, Ladybug announced that she needed to "Make it ours." Here is how she did that.

Happy Halloween 2009!

I was actually a lot more put together this Halloween compared to Halloweens past. We even carved Jack-o-lanterns from pumpkins bigger than Chowder's head! The only last minute glitch was that Friday night Ladybug sprung on me her deepest desire to be a spider for Halloween. Not Snow White. Not the simple Snow White dress she had received for her birthday a month earlier. Not that. No. A spider. Have you perhaps gathered yet, that though I am a fierce baker, I am definitely not a crafter. Luckily, she was quite pleased with what I managed to Frankenstein together, namely Chowder's dress socks stuffed with plastic grocery bags and a too big black turtle neck paired with too big pants. Chowder on the other hand...

The Bartender (transferred from other format)

Chowder's parents told him that the bartender at the country club they live on was asking about Porkchop. How was he doing? What had he been up to? Telling them what a great kid he is.

and he is.

We just can't figure out when he's been hanging out in the bar. We're wondering if maybe we should keep a closer eye on him when we are visiting the grandparents.

Common Focus (transferred from other format)

It all goes by so fast. Even these days right now where I am scrambling and exhausted. or maybe MORE these days because I am scrambling and exhausted, I feel it all just slipping through my finger tips. They really do grow up so fast and right before our very eyes. Sweeting was *just* born! Wasn’t she? Weren’t they all?

Some of it is a welcome adjustment, such as the way the kids are able to pitch in more now that they are older. This week’s chores are Jellybean and Ladybug washing and folding one load of laundry a day (I still have to do another load, but still!) and The Meatball is spraying and wiping down all the bathrooms everyday (I clean them thoroughly once a week) and Porkchop is feeding the pets and cleaning up their waste everyday. That part is really nice.

But, that also leads us to the other places. The peer relationships that can be so tricky to navigate. The popular toys that go against our values. The introduction of media that we feel is too mature for them. This is where the growing up gets sticky and the test for how well we are holding on to our family’s values and identity. This is where I find the real struggles of parenting. This is where second guessing can begin to plague me. Is it really important that we don’t watch High School Musical, yet? What are my reasons for that again? Barbie? Power Rangers? In the end will really matter? Am I making a mountain of too many little mole hills? Aren’t there more important core issues that I need to stand on? But then aren’t all these little pieces a part of holding on to the core issues? How do we decide which activities we participate in?

I read once in one of the million parenting books that I have read, that each family should write its own mission statement. This idea intrigued me because mission statements are so key to the non-profit organizations in which I participate. The mission statement should be short and to the point and then help an organization or family focus its...well, mission. An organization cannot do everything. That dilution of mission means that it will do many things poorly instead of a few things well. So, if something comes up that does not fit in our mission? then we simply don’t do it. Girl Scouts? A great organization but if it’s not a part of who are family wants to be, than great! Decision made. And not just another thing that we have to add to our list of things we are doing. It is too easy for a family to fall into the “do many things poorly” trap. and Hannah Montana? Bakugan? Does it fit with our values? no? yes? super decision made. As we start embarking on this next phase of family life, it would be good to have a common focus.

When Chowder gets home I think we will be investigating this further. It will make each individual decision easier when we have a larger lens to look

not so good at this solo parenting thing

I need to remember that Ladybug is like a bad fart, silent but deadly.

While I was up changing Sweeting's diaper, I left Ladybug in the family room. By the time I had come back downstairs, she had downed half a bottle of Hershey's syrup. I found her sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor nursing it like a baby bottle.

I went upstairs for a few minutes while I disciplined Porkchop and came downstairs to find Ladybug had made them pretty! meaning written all over herself and Sweeting with green permanent marker.

I went upstairs during Ladybug and Sweeting's naptime to throw in some laundry and found the nursery's door open. Ladybug was in Sweeting's crib and had covered them both in Post-it notes.

Randomness...

What a week I've left behind and what a few weeks I have ahead of me. I didn't get as much done last week as I wanted, but I did turn in several homework assignments and got some Spring cleaning done. It was great for the kids to be able to be outside pretty much all week. The weather was beautiful! And I spent some time doing stuff with them that I need to do more of.

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I have been working on my new website and hope to have it up sometime in the next week. It won't be the most seamless transition because I have never done anything like this. Hopefully it will all come together.

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Chowder has gone to Iowa for 3 weeks. He is doing some sort of training thingamajig for family ministry. Today was our first full day without him. We did a good job and held it together all day. But now...it's almost midnight and I have no one to snuggle in with. I started taking my OCD medication last week anticipating the anxiety. I was taking a 1/4 dose. But last night I upped it to a 1/2 dose. I'm feeling pretty well, though my morbid thoughts still get stuck. Like when Ladybug came in this morning looking for him and she cried the most quiet, pitiful cry, would not let me hold her and she climbed back into her crib to weep softly all by herself. And I couldn't get the "What if" thoughts out of my head. The "this is what it would be like if he died" thoughts. And then I began to weep softly all by myself.

The other thing is that I really miss him. I like him quite a bit and he always makes his presence known, so there is an obvious "Chowder Vacuum." We have set up video chat on our computers and text several times a day. I know it's so hard at the beginning, but soon it will be over and he will be home. with me. where he belongs.

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Humphrey is having some sort of gastrointestinal issues, right now. Let me tell you, a 160 lb dog can really stink a place up. Plus every couple of hours he starts whining because he needs to go out. I'm hoping that will not be the case all night long.

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That possible move I was writing about a few weeks ago? It is still in the process, but look at this...



It certainly sweetens the pot. 1890's farmhouse on 12 1/2 acres 5bd 2ba 2900 sq ft. I am suddenly pining for wide open spaces.

My favorite pictures from this week

These are from this morning before school. Ladybug wanted to tell Porkchop a secret. teehee.



This is my Queen Mum. Ain't she purty?


This is Humphrey. He got in the act with Photobooth! Don't you just want to give him a big hug?!


This is bath time. It took Chowder, Skaterboy, and me to get him in the bathtub. He went for the passive resistance maneuver. very effective.

Random Parenting Conundrums

Issue 1: 17 yr old ds. As I've said before, Skaterboy is a really good kid. No trouble. No drugs. No drinking that I know of, though probably an occasional drink, but nothing that has been an issue. He hangs out with his "band" and plays ear splitting metal on his guitar, but he is very good at it. Our issues with him are complete lack of motivation (other than music). He has failed yet another year of high school. He should be a senior next year but he will be a sophomore. His school sucks. The school district is the worst. And there is real danger there, though the kids really like Skaterboy and he kind of skates above it all.

I have actually encouraged him to drop out and get his GED. The high school thing isn't working and even if he suddenly decided to hunker down and do his work he would graduate just before his 21st birthday. Instead he has a new plan. It's a GOOD plan. I stand behind the plan. He will get his GED this summer and then start community college in the fall. Go for two years and then transfer to an art school to finish his degree. Good. solid. plan. He'll be ahead of the game instead of behind it and hopefully in a different learning environment he will feel some motivation. (pleasepleaseplease) But plans don't enact themselves...

oh. and when dealing with teenagery phone issues, I found pictures on his phone that were sent to him (not totally nude) but down a girl's shirt. He tells me its not his current girlfriend but puzzle pieces start to fall into place and I realize that this relationship he is in now is much more serious than others and on a whole new level. And he is either having sex already or on the verge. Even though he tells me it's not. I buy him a box of condoms and he tells me she is on the pill. I explain he has to use both. I have explained for years why he should wait, but if he hasn't, he hasn't. There's nothing I can do about it.

Issue #2: My darling son The Meatball 6 yrs old. My friend adopted a 5yr old boy from Ethiopia last summer and he has been in Meatball and Jellybean's class this year. Tilahun is the superhero of the class. All I hear all day long is how great Tilahun is and all the things that Tilahun can do. (thrills me to no end!) So, Meatball is talking with his brother about their best friends and then
Meatball: "I'm going to marry Tilahun."
Porkchop: "ummm...Evan and I are best friends but I'm not going to marry him."
Meatball: "No I'm serious. I'm going to marry him and I'm going to be his wife. But, do NOT tell anyone because they will laugh at me."

This was the day after the tragic story of the 11 yr old who hung himself after anti-gay bullying in school. So it hit me pretty hard. Of course this conversation does not mean Meatball is gay. But, there have been some other indicators, as well. who knows? But, it just hurt my heart. IF he is gay, I can't imagine a better environment for him to be in. His school is very liberal when it comes to social issues and diversity, my block has 4 gay couples on it who adore my kids and vice versa (including my next door neighbors who have been together 19 years and we will probably leave the kids with if we died) How could he still be so fearful? It makes me sad.

Issue #3: Porkchop 5 yrs old. I went to that Sensory Issues seminar and it was very informative and helped me understand some of the "quirks" about my kids. But, Porkchop drives me batty because he has to constantly lick things. I know! It's so freaky! And GROSS! I've been trying to get to the motivation, is this an oral sensory issue? or has he inherited OCD from me? or is it Pica? He licks cars, tables, doorknobs you name it. It's all very subtle, he has learned to hide it already. His teachers didn't even notice until I ask them about it, and then they started paying attention and they saw it. It's on my list of things to discuss with his doctor at his next check up. blech!

It's so hard for me because I can't control ANY of it. I love these kids so much but I can't control how the world will react to them and how it can hurt them when they are different. Only the sex thing is really weighing on me, and probably will until he is married. The rest we just try to love and laugh and pray about. Anyone with any insights?

more

I was just talking to Chowder's friend's wife today. They are really putting the pressure on! LOL! Chowder and I have been trying to discern which issues are real and which are imaginary.

You guys have given me such great things to think about and explore! It turns out this town has a large arts community, the college does offer "Kids College" for ages 8 and up with lots of enrichment classes, there is a farmer's market, a community center and several new coffee house and locavore restaurants. The town's population has doubled in the last 10 years mostly with an influx of people from California. (that could be good or bad ;) )

I've been exploring how I would be able to meet household needs. There is a Walmart, Lowe's etc but the nearest Sam's and Target are 1 1/2 hours away. I could still do monthly trips if needed.

Chowder and I sat down to talk about what we loved about raising our children in the city and we talked about culture and museums etc. But then when we were honest about it, we have only been to the symphony once this year! We have seen 2 plays and taken the kids to the Art Museum twice this year. With this town being only 3hours from here and family here we could easily come up for a weekend or several days to do these things. So, this issue was imaginary. We would miss the weekly trips to the zoo and botanical gardens.

Lack of diversity is a REAL issue. But again, we could easily be up here often enough to help solve that issue. Education is a REAL issue and I have been investigating the day to day reality of homeschooling. Both Chowder and I have always wanted our children to have a classical education and there are many curricula set up to do that. We'd just follow the lesson plans. I'd have three at one level and two at another. Plus, Chowder's friend's wife would love to explore starting a Montessori charter school in that area to meet the needs of the families there. I'm not sure I am up to doing another start-up right now, the last one was exhausting! But, I could probably use a lot of the material we already compiled. But our minds are opening to possibilities.

17 yr old is both a real and an imaginary issue. He will be 18 this summer which would be the age he would be going away to college. He is not stressed by the idea of us moving because he knows he has options. He is not a typical high schooler being taken out of school his senior year. He is getting his GED this summer and starting community college in the fall. He could move with us and attend the state university there or he could live with my mom and attend school here. If he stayed, we would really miss him but not any differently than if he went away to college. Which is essentially what he would be doing.

There are some bad mammajamma things going on in my city that are making me want to scream. (Essentially, county voters rejected a 1/2 cent sales tax to help fund our public transit, city had already approved it, and now they are cutting bus service by 44%, train service by 32% and Call-a-Ride by 17%. There are members of our church that will be unable to get to work and to school etc. etc.) and crime in our neighborhood will likely increase because of the economy and the inability of people to get to work. This all makes me feel like we are REALLY needed here and at the same time burns me out and makes me want to run to the hills.

Still waiting for the formal offer and whether they can meet our needs...but again, we have always been lucky in this sense and God has always provided.

loaves and fishes, Baby. loaves and fishes. (What Chowder and I say to each other when we are trying to work out where the money is going to come from!)

Reason #317 Why my kids' school rocks

Porkchop-preschool

Jellybean-Kindergarten


The Meatball-Kindergarten

I love that my kids can just run with whatever they are excelling at at that moment. The Meatball is about to start the 4th grade language workbook even though he is only in kindergarten. Jellybean is about to start the 3rd grade language workbook. Do I think they are exceptionally smart? No. I think that the Montessori method is able to identify when a child is in their particular window to learn something and then give the child the means to go at their pace without the constrictions of following a classroom lesson plan.

It doesn't surprise me (and makes me proud) that the children are excelling, at this point, in language skills. We live in a house full of books and words. In my house words have power, both for good and evil. I am a strong believer that ugly, hateful words can stick to the walls and actually make the house ugly and hateful. When my children use hateful words they have to apologize to the person and then they have to apologize to the house. (We even make them kiss the walls! which always makes them giggle.) We read aloud to the children every night from books that excite and challenge them. Good stories that Chowder and I enjoy to read. Right now we are reading, Kenny and the Dragon by Tony DiTerlizzi. (the author of the Spiderwick Chronicles) The kids are loving it.

Next we will probably throw in some more Greek Myths. We haven't read those is a while and they are such great stories! We have been impressed with the Usborne collection.

And then we will start my all-time favorite children's book, Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O'Dell. I can't wait! Jellybean is going to love this one.

PLEASE don't underestimate what your children can comprehend. Listening to stories read aloud can take some practice. Before you get to a novel with no pictures, start with some short stories and read them only showing the pictures after you have finished the page. The Mercy Watson series is great for this. As the children become accustomed to listening, and they train their attention span, you can start reading longer and longer stories until you are reading short novels to them. I will put together a list of my kids favorite books to listen to and post it on here. And children are never too old to be read to. We read all of the Harry Potter books aloud with Skaterboy. The last one when he was 15. We loved reading them together and discussing and speculating after each chapter! I promise you will have a lot of fun with this.

Lessons in At-Homeness

One of the things that I love about our community and school is the number of families who have chosen to have a parent at home, or with school age children, a parent at home when the children are at home. This is not to say anything against families with both parents working full time, it is simply that the dynamic of the community is different. Friends come home with the kids after school. They can run around the corner to a friend's house or just play with the other neighborhood kids on the block. And I think it makes the parents more open to getting together as well. There is not the busyness or lack of time and energy to socialize on the spur of the moment.

And what I really love about our school is the number of stay-at-home dads. What a cool dynamic they bring to their families. They have really inspired me in many ways. As an at home mom, there are the pressures of the societal images of what an at-home mom should be like, and what her family should look like, and what her home should smell like. Even though we modern at-home moms have busted out of the pearls, that demon June Cleaver still lingers in the backs of our minds as a standard.

At-home dads have the freedom of no such icon. And this freedom allows them to create the role for themselves. They have already done an about face on the societal expectations put on men to be breadwinners, so they have purposefully done away with that pressure. Do they still have to deal with the patronization of career men the same way we do with career women? I'm sure. And it outrages me as much as my own experiences do. But, at home within their families they get a chance to explore. And with this group of at-home dads, they had careers and educations that they put on hold for their families. I have found a great mix of intelligent, creative, fun loving men and that appears to be what they bring first to their roles. They play with their kids. They are so much more active with them. And that's what they have inspired me with. A new emphasis on what should be important in my at-homeness.

It will be interesting to see what the children of SAHDs grow up like. Especially the daughters. I get a little worried sometimes when Jellybeam wants to be like me so she straps a doll into her sling and starts washing the floor. Not that that isn't a part of what I do, but it isn't who I am. And the father-daughter dynamic is so different from the mother-daughter one. Mothers tend to coddle their sons, and fathers their daughters. So, to have that full time coddling reversed would be very interesting. What a neat childhood for a girl. And for a boy to have someone there actively playing and roughhousing and giving an outlet to that energy. AND he'll see a man modeling housework for him. His future wife will love this! I just really enjoy watching these families and how they interact. It gives me so much food for thought.

My favorite example of the difference of the kids being raised by at-home dads vs. moms was from a dinner party we had a few months ago. Jellybean came into the dining room and asked me, "Mommy, can I please have some more chocolate milk?" Not 5 minutes later a little boy walked up to his dad and said, "How about another round of chocolate milk, dad?"

Gee thanks, Octuplet Lady.

I belong to two online parenting communities. One is a parenting after IVF community and the other is parenting lots of kids. And while these may seem like opposing communities, they actually share a deep love for children. Both the ones hard fought for and easily gained. Many times I find myself an ambassador for the other perspective because I fit so neatly in between.

Both communities have been hit very negatively in the media and public sphere by the woman who just gave birth to Octuplets. If you have somehow managed to not hear about this, just Google it. Both communities have been invaded by reporters wanting to interview people about our experiences. With trepidation, some have given the interview. But, the articles portrayed the stories they wanted to tell. In the case of my large family friend who was interviewed, out of the dozens of pictures they took of the family, the NYT decided on the picture that showed them barefoot, standing in front of religious art and ripped wallpaper (from their autistic son.) hmmmm....Do you think the NYT had a vision they wanted to flesh out?

But, the communities are also now being invaded by "Critics." On the message board of my Lots of Kids community someone posed this question:

I am one of "those people" who has always disdained large families. But maybe you can change my perspective by sharing yours. Why is having lots of kids more important than providing the best life you can for each?

That isn't snark; I'm genuinely curious. Explain to me how you negotiate these tradeoffs.

I'm posting my response with some prettying up because I don't think this is an uncommon thought...

First off, I'm not sure why I'm supposed to convince you of anything. If you don't want a big family, don't have one. (And that was not snarky, either. I promise.) I think the main thing is that these days, we are not forced to have big families. We choose them. We choose them because, for us, it makes our lives fuller. If a family of one child or two makes your life fuller? Than that's the right family size for you.

And the phrase, "best life" is such a curious one. A completely subjective idea. What would have been the best life for me growing up would not necessarily be the best life for you. And how can you generalize so much about large families? It makes it sound like having only one or two children guarantees a "best life." I know plenty of children in one or two child families who get less attention from their parents than ours do. Our family has made conscious decisions that help us lead a life using a smaller footprint and using less resources than most one or two child families. The idea that family size somehow predicts happiness and fulfillment is absurd in my mind. Our kids come third (only after our faith and our marriage.) And they are very well cared for emotionally and physically.

I don't think people really know what life is like in our family. We laugh more than any other family I know. I still take plenty of time for myself and for my husband and I. I'm not a drone. Going about doing mindless work in a gray world. My children have taught me so much about myself and about how to relax and enjoy life. There is a perception that we are somehow this big ball of stress and chaos. Ok. maybe the chaos part is right, but we actually DON'T sweat the small stuff. For me, I love that insignificant things that should not occupy my time or thoughts...don't. Because, my time and thoughts are filled up with important things.

I love that I roller skate and write poems and bake depending on the different child. I'm learning how to knit with my daughter and play the guitar from one of my sons who is also teaching a little brother. My kids have each other to stand up for them against the world. (I overheard Porkchop and The Meatball talking about how they needed to talk with a girl at school because she was being mean to Jellybean) To help them with homework. (They are always challenging each other to do better.) Things they would rather get from each other than from a parent. But, they still get everything they could want or need from us.

Our youngest is 4 months old and I'm having to constantly tell my kids to chill out on the more siblings question. They want more! (ok. not Skaterboy.) They love their lives. We are a very laid back and fun family. Other families have commented on how they feel so comfortable around us because there is no drive to impress.

As far as the whole "older kids raising the younger kids" things I hear about all the time, again, I have to beat my kids off their younger siblings with a stick (and NO, not literally) I'm constantly telling them, "I'm the Mommy, I'll take care of that." And they are begging to do it instead. Should I then forbid them from helping their little siblings? Jellybean is the only one that Ladybug will allow to help her onto the potty. When I tried to stop her, Jellybean said, "Why? I want to help her?" and stomped off in a huff. And The Meatball helps Porkchop tie his shoes and button his oxford. Without my asking! Is it somehow bad that I'm raising children who love each other and want to help each other out? They are learning important relationship skills and it bonds them together.

Don't get me wrong. Life isn't always peachy. We have days of nonstop bickering (myself and Chowder included). I yell too much. The wet gray winter can get very long. The laundry pile can get very high. And the toilets get amazingly dirty. But, in my mind it all comes down to a game of Yahtzee. Brothers and sisters chanting for that last 4 for their brother's last roll of the dice and when it comes up a 3 they all groan together and when it comes a 4 they all raise a cheer and yell "Yahtzee!!"

The Week of Being There

Yesterday began the Week of Being There. My week long experiment of not saying, "Just a minute" or "Hang on. Let me finish this." When I'm not doing anything important. When I'm on the computer or getting caught up in cleaning. Things that should not come before the kids. There obviously are things that I'm doing that I have to say, "Just a minute" to, like feeding Sweeting or taking a shower. But, in those cases I will tell them an exact time that I will do such and such with them. This does not mean I don't get any time to myself, it means that I waste a lot of time during the day, these days, that should be going to them.

So, yesterday was our first full day. And you know what? We had a great day! I had a lot of fun. We watched Sound of Music (reigniting my lifelong fantasies about Christopher Plummer), played Yahtzee, and did one of the kids' favorite things...We set up the camera on timer on one end of the room and then race to the other end to get our picture taken.

I'm looking forward to getting back to the things I love to do. and cracking out of this miserable shell.

grrrrr! What happened to the music?! It's so much funnier with Polka music!! Isn't everything?

Snow Day!

My kids have been home from school two days in a row. It's funny for us, because we live right across the street from the school. But, snow days are always fun. We actually got 6 inches of snow last night which is a lot for us. It made Chowder and I miss Minnesota so much. Last night we put the kids to bed and decided to take a walk while the snow was showering down. It was such a beautiful evening! We ended up at our neighborhood drinking hole and went in to have a couple of glasses of wine before walking home. It was perfect.

Humphrey has been having a blast at the dog park running around like a lunatic! He is so funny to watch!




Today, the kids were outside from about 8 am until they finally became too cold around 2 pm. There was sledding and snow ball fights and snowman making! The perfect Snow Day.






The gorgeous day even got Skaterboy out of the house!


We finished off with a walk down to our neighborhood bakery to get some cupcakes to drink with our hot cocoa. My new favorite is devil's food with cream cheese icing dipped in Oreos! Yum!


Hoping for more flurries tomorrow!

blech.

I have hit a serious case of the winter blahs. The kids have gotten crabby. I have gotten shrewish. I seem to yell more right now than whisper. Well, we all do. I am having to force myself to go out and socialize. A week ago, I whipped out the last of my steaks and I invited several friend families over for dinner just to get around people. The food was amazing including, Steaks with Kalamata-Olive Chimichurri, and these amazing biscuits (seriously, I could eat my weight in them.) A couple of good bottles of wine and we had a wonderful time. Just what we all needed. We stuck with tradition and the women drank wine and cooked and the men drank beer and watched football. And the kids...well frankly, I don't know what they did. We patched them up when they bled and occasionally told them to stop throwing something at somebody.

I am totally cocooning, which is good because it appears to be a snow day tomorrow. And starting next Sunday I will be doing a little experiment. For one whole week, I will not tell any of the kids, "not right now." Unless of course I really can't do it right now. But usually I am doing something that really could be dropped to take a moment and read a story to Ladybug or teach Jellybean to knit or let Porkchop help me in the kitchen. I will mark the difference it makes in our relationships and in the house. I will find another time to vacuum or blog or watch tv. I've fallen into a really ugly pattern with this and I am excited to force myself out of it. Want to join me?

The one about Skaterboy.

People always comment on how hard hard it must be to have so many littles so close in age, but the reality is that that is a piece of cake compared to one teenager. With a teenager, you always have problems and worries. If it's not one thing it's another or ten. To quote a previous entry about Skaterboy:

I've told you before about the sweetness and goodness of this young man. And he really is. But, this child of mine seems bound and determined to have no future. What I wish for this 16 year old is the life of a regular old teenager. One where he goes to school with his friends and then drives to work a couple of days after school and then out with his friends on the weekend. Maybe to a football game or a homecoming dance. Sure I might have to get on his case about his grades. Maybe ground him for curfew violations or even have to deal with issues like drinking or sex.

He really is a good kid. Never in any real trouble. But, this is actually a frustration for me. Not that I'm looking for a hellraiser, but a kid that...does something. He has no motivation toward anything. I even told Chowder once that at least if he was a drug dealer he would be like an entrepreneur. He'd never steal a car because it would take to much work.

It was good to read this from back in March because at least part of my worries are gone. He does hang out with friends, he's at the movies with them now seeing some 3D horror movie, and he has gone to a couple of dances with a couple of girls. Now, of course I have to worry about him out with friends! He called two weeks ago from the site of a car accident involving the other car of friends he was with. Brand new driver got spooked by another car in her lane and she spun the car three time before it slammed into the median on the highway. Luckily, no one was seriously hurt. And luckily, Skaterboy watched it happen. Hopefully giving him a greater sense of the dangers of driving (but probably not). I'm still happy with the friends he chooses. I think.

But school? Well, that's where the issues still are. He started off first quarter so promisingly. And then ...well he ended with a B in English and F in Biology and a D in everything else. (Fortunately, he is in a sucky failing school district, so D's count for credit.) It kills me because he has dreams! He wants to go to Mizzou where half of our families went to college. But, the chances of him getting accepted are slim to nothing with the way things are going. At his school, a tech math and science magnet school they have to declare a major. He wants to declare aviation. It sounds pretty good.

AVIATIONAviation Majors will specialize in navigation, radio, radar systems, and other electronic and computer instruments and controls. Aviation majors check for wear and tear, using x-ray or magnetic equipment to look for cracks and punctures invisible to the human eye. Most Aviation Majors are certified by the FAA as airframe-and-powerplant mechanics, or A&P mechanics. They can work on any part of a plane except the instruments.

Helpful High School Courses:

. Electronics
. Computer Science
. English/Composition

Related Careers:
. Air Traffic Controllers
. Automotive Technicians
. Automotive-Body Repairers
. Computer-Repair Technicians
. Electronics Technicians
. Heavy Vehicle and Mobile Equipment Technicians
. Urban and Regional Planners

I don't know how much he is really interested in this or if it's just the the most interesting major, to him, that they have. It's also an Air Force JROTC school. They have actual planes and helicopters in a hangar at the school for the Aviation majors to work on. That could be a pretty great career for him. But only if that's what he WANTS.

He is so creative and so into his guitar. Honestly, the music thing is the only thing that he has been motivated enough himself to pursue. And because of that, he is very good at it. For the most part he is good to be around. He goes through is bouts of teenage asshole-ness that I don't think they can control. We haven't been fighting a ton like we used to. The rage only bubbles up occasionally and not as violent as a couple of years ago. I don't know guys. We're all over the board. I feel deep in my heart that he will find his place in the world. But it's really, really deep down in there and most of the time it is too deep to be able see and focus on and gain hope from.

and always in the back of my mind stabbing stabbing stabbing is my greatest fear. the one that could have come true. the one that could still come true. the one I will never forget or recover from.

Christmas wrap-up

Howdy kids!
How was everyone's Christmas?

The Cakes family had a very nice Christmas. Honestly. It all went swimmingly. There were no gift disasters. No meltdowns. No laughing during the Gospel reading. (He handed off the more delicate passage to a more mature individual.) Not really any drama at all. *sigh* It was really quite nice. Doesn't leave much to blog about. And I spent too much time actually being there Christmas morning so I didn't take any pictures. I do have some awesome video of Meatball and his big Santa gift, a real electric guitar. Skaterboy will be giving him lessons which will be great because Jellybean wants to take piano lessons. Porkchop is already begging for drums for next Christmas. All I can envision when I think of that is