Sunday, January 18, 2009

The one about Skaterboy.

People always comment on how hard hard it must be to have so many littles so close in age, but the reality is that that is a piece of cake compared to one teenager. With a teenager, you always have problems and worries. If it's not one thing it's another or ten. To quote a previous entry about Skaterboy:

I've told you before about the sweetness and goodness of this young man. And he really is. But, this child of mine seems bound and determined to have no future. What I wish for this 16 year old is the life of a regular old teenager. One where he goes to school with his friends and then drives to work a couple of days after school and then out with his friends on the weekend. Maybe to a football game or a homecoming dance. Sure I might have to get on his case about his grades. Maybe ground him for curfew violations or even have to deal with issues like drinking or sex.

He really is a good kid. Never in any real trouble. But, this is actually a frustration for me. Not that I'm looking for a hellraiser, but a kid that...does something. He has no motivation toward anything. I even told Chowder once that at least if he was a drug dealer he would be like an entrepreneur. He'd never steal a car because it would take to much work.

It was good to read this from back in March because at least part of my worries are gone. He does hang out with friends, he's at the movies with them now seeing some 3D horror movie, and he has gone to a couple of dances with a couple of girls. Now, of course I have to worry about him out with friends! He called two weeks ago from the site of a car accident involving the other car of friends he was with. Brand new driver got spooked by another car in her lane and she spun the car three time before it slammed into the median on the highway. Luckily, no one was seriously hurt. And luckily, Skaterboy watched it happen. Hopefully giving him a greater sense of the dangers of driving (but probably not). I'm still happy with the friends he chooses. I think.

But school? Well, that's where the issues still are. He started off first quarter so promisingly. And then ...well he ended with a B in English and F in Biology and a D in everything else. (Fortunately, he is in a sucky failing school district, so D's count for credit.) It kills me because he has dreams! He wants to go to Mizzou where half of our families went to college. But, the chances of him getting accepted are slim to nothing with the way things are going. At his school, a tech math and science magnet school they have to declare a major. He wants to declare aviation. It sounds pretty good.

Aviation Majors will specialize in navigation, radio, radar systems, and other electronic and computer instruments and controls. Aviation majors check for wear and tear, using x-ray or magnetic equipment to look for cracks and punctures invisible to the human eye. Most Aviation Majors are certified by the FAA as airframe-and-powerplant mechanics, or A&P mechanics. They can work on any part of a plane except the instruments.

Helpful High School Courses:

. Electronics
. Computer Science
. English/Composition

Related Careers:
. Air Traffic Controllers
. Automotive Technicians
. Automotive-Body Repairers
. Computer-Repair Technicians
. Electronics Technicians
. Heavy Vehicle and Mobile Equipment Technicians
. Urban and Regional Planners

I don't know how much he is really interested in this or if it's just the the most interesting major, to him, that they have. It's also an Air Force JROTC school. They have actual planes and helicopters in a hangar at the school for the Aviation majors to work on. That could be a pretty great career for him. But only if that's what he WANTS.

He is so creative and so into his guitar. Honestly, the music thing is the only thing that he has been motivated enough himself to pursue. And because of that, he is very good at it. For the most part he is good to be around. He goes through is bouts of teenage asshole-ness that I don't think they can control. We haven't been fighting a ton like we used to. The rage only bubbles up occasionally and not as violent as a couple of years ago. I don't know guys. We're all over the board. I feel deep in my heart that he will find his place in the world. But it's really, really deep down in there and most of the time it is too deep to be able see and focus on and gain hope from.

and always in the back of my mind stabbing stabbing stabbing is my greatest fear. the one that could have come true. the one that could still come true. the one I will never forget or recover from.


gem said...

First up, thanks for the post. I had been looking forward to hearing an update. I think blogging honestly about teens is very hard because it tends not to all sweet and pretty. In my experience being honest means parenting moments I am less than proud of and admitting to character traits in your child that can sound unattractive when you know deep in your own heart that this does not reflect how they are.
I really can understand your anxieties and concerns. I am convinced thought that your deep down instinct is right. he IS a good kid and he will find his niche and be a happy fulfilled adult. It may take him a bit longer than others to get to this point and may involve a tortuous route and many gray hairs but I am certain he will get there in the end.
P.S. re your greatest fear, he is older now and more secure and comes from a loving secure and controlled environment. This is my mantra when these fears cross my mind.

Mel said...

That is shit scary, I can understand how it lingers, how you will never forget and never quite relax totally. He will find his place, we all eventually find it. I pray the journey he takes to get there is exciting and interesting with loads of travel and meetings of different people and cultures. I pray the lessons he learns from the school of hard knocks shape and mould him but do not scar or crush him. He has great parents and a healthy family and he has God, his very own God, not just yours. Peace & strength for you dear Cakes. xxx

mom320 said...

oohhhh, honey, you are not alone. our skaterboy's nickname is the romaniac, and with but a few twists, their stories are the same. i'll pray for you, for that seems to be all that i am able to do. if i find the magic key, you'll be the first to know! blessings

JLP said...

Well, obviously I cannot relate since I have no teenagers (and mine are NEVER going to become teenagers, in case you were wondering).

But I will say, as a former teenager (eons ago), I didn't know what the heck I wanted to do with my life, either. I was a very smart kid, an honors student who tested highly and who was put in the honors classes at her college-prep Catholic school, but didn't apply herself to earn the best grades. My career counseling session in junior year suggested I would be a good occupational therapist. So I went with it, applied to the one state university in my area offering it, and went on to fail miserably at it. Science was not my thing, it turned out. (And lots of the prereqs for OT were biology, anatomy, etc.)

It took me until sophomore year of college to declare a new major, and I went with the generic, liberal-arts English, figuring at least I was good at writing; papers were the one thing that pulled me through each class (I was not so good at exams). I would figure out what to do with that generic degree later.

Oh, and through it all, I should also mention that I was a horribly rebellious teenager/young adult who drank, smoked, and did more than my fair share of experimenting with drugs.

My point? I turned out okay. My other point? Although we very much want our teenagers to know what they want to be when they grow up, sometimes it takes growing up first to realize what we DON'T want to be, so that we can then figure out what we do want to be.

Hugs, Kate. I will come back in approximately 13 years to read what I just said to remind myself when I forget and become frustrated with my two!

julie said...

As a mom of two teen boys I can relate to your worries. I have an over achiever first born and a second born (20 months younger that sounds like skaterboy).

Our younger son starts a new school next Tuesday. We are hoping he will find his nitch there. I can only pray.

There are many smart kids that just don't like school. Maybe he will grow up to teach music or something else to go with his love for his guitar. He has this passion for a reason and maybe it is part of God's plan for your skaterboy. Just keep praying he finds the path that God has laid out for him. My guess is that God's path is much different than us mom's idea of the perfect path at times. I'll remember your skaterboy in my daily prayers as well.

((Hugs)) and hang in there.