Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Once a year I get my revenge...

Chowder is a lovely dear man that I adore, as you have been able to tell if you read my blog. There is one thing about him, though. He is ridiculously annoying. He TALKS... a lot. about nothing. I am a woman of few words with a love for efficiency. Especially, in words. I tell my husband frequently that he is wasting words. And when he insists that I respond to his nonsense, it pains me because it causes me to also waste words. It's annoying.

He will turn anything I say into a dirty euphemism. For example...

Me: Honey will you wash the dishes?
Him: Oh. I'll wash your dishes.
I don't even know what that means? But, I know what he means. And it's annoying.

He also likes really bad music. And he likes to sing and dance to really bad music. The worst is The Safety Dance. I don't just dislike this song. I can't explain it, but when I hear this song it invokes a white hot rage in the center of my very being. But, he loves to sing it. And it's annoying.

He's constantly doing stupid things and asking me to "Check this out." And then he'll do "the wave" and ask me if he's "blowing my mind." He doesn't just do this once, he does it all. the. time. Over and over. And it's annoying.

He never quite matured past 6th grade, so there are a series of words that I cannot use without him collapsing into a fit of giggles. They include but are not limited to, "package" and "unit." He has to make a huge effort to remain composed during the reading of the Gospel on Christmas Eve because he has to read the word, "ass." And some years he doesn't make it. And it's annoying.

So, every Christmas I get my turn. I get these every year and we now have 5 of them. They are superbly annoying on their own, but oh no, the children must ratchet it up and play them all at once. Here is this year's edition.

6 comments:

Jenny said...

The Safety Dance is great!!

Now I will go and have a look at your link...

Rachel said...

Cute:) I 'tagged' you from my blog too:)

Bridgett said...

Oh, those are really...something...

Now I want to come to Christmas at your church just to see him not make it through the gospel reading.

S.A.H.M. I AM said...

awww, your dh sounds so endearing. i get your point though ;).

yes, we have 2 of those snowmen things from hallmark. i was secretly happy that when i unpacked them this year one no longer works. i had to feign disappointment for my children.

ccap said...

Oh my gosh! Are we married to the same man?! I read this and it started to freak me out a little bit as though you were just writing MY story. Seriously! I am soooo sending him this link to read.

Niki said...

My kids loved the snowmen.

I loved your post. Read it twice and laughed very hard. (Sympathy laughs!)

My husband loved your husband. (See my blog.)