Saturday, July 07, 2007

I know a thing or two about choice...revisited

"revisited?" you say.
yes. sadly. revisited.

If you aren't familiar with the story of Skaterboy, you might want to catch up a little bit. It's not that you won't be able to follow along, it's just that I think the history is what is playing so hard on my heart.

It had never been my intention to home school through high school. I know alot of it has to do with the fact that I loved my high school years. I went to a private college prep all girl Catholic school and I absolutely adored it. Skaterboy started his freshman year last year at a private college prep all boy Catholic school. He loved it. We loved it. It was small and warm. Working class families that we felt completely at home with. You could tell how much they cared about those boys. We were excited to be a part of that community.

But, Skaterboy just wouldn't put in the work. Yes, he has ADD. Yes, they worked with him one on one. We could never fault the school. They really did everything they could (and were willing to do more). At the end of the day, though, it was Skaterboy's choice to accept the help and do the work...or not to. He failed every class his first semester. We couldn't justify continuing to spend the money and have absolutely nothing come out of it. It clearly was not working for him. So, at the end of the first semester of his freshman year, we pulled him out in hopes of home schooling him just long enough to salvage his freshman year. It didn't work.

We live in a inner city neighborhood, with a school district that has just lost accreditation and has been taken over by the state. Academically? it's a shambles. Socially? it's not exactly the environment you want your child trying to learn in. Especially if he has ADD. According to plan, the other area school districts were supposed to accept city students. So, with a heavy heart we hatched a plan to have Skaterboy stay with my mom (in the county) during the week and attend school out there. We have now learned that the area school districts have decided to honor the city school district's request to not accept the students.

I called the office about a residency waiver. I was told that our case was not a "hardship" case so they couldn't issue the waiver. No, sadly our son is well cared for and loved. If he was abused or neglected, he could attend. There is also a "Voluntary Transportation" program that brings city students out to the county, but we are the wrong race. So, we are stuck.

The only way that Skaterboy could move in with my mom and attend this other school is if I gave up guardianship. Here I am 16 years later and I once again have to make this freakin' decision. I know to outsiders it does not seem like the same thing, but once you have been faced with The Choice no matter what you chose, there is always second guessing. Maybe not regularly or often, but the waves definitely come. And though I would not be giving up custody, and though in 2 years he will no longer be a minor, and though my mom would never abuse this situation...I am suddenly back in 1991 trying to decide if keeping my son is the best thing for him.

I wish I could adequately describe this weight on my heart. The depth of the anxiety surrounding this for me. My first reaction was, "No, hell no." But, then that leaves me having to say "Yes" to something and I've got...nothing. He doesn't want to home school. He wants to go back to high school. I only have a few more years with him and don't want to spend it in constant battle over school work.

*heavy sigh* If ever I needed God to guide us, it's now. So, I'm going to stand at the mouth of the cave and wait for an answer.


Kellylynn said...

I have to say how horrible this must be for you. Pure agony. Just the thought of signing over guardianship of YOUR child must just make your heartache. Though it is ONLY a technicallitty on paper, it brings up all your past memories. I have to say my best friend did this her Sr. yr. Her mom moved out of the school dist. and her best friends' mom took her in M-F so she could attend her sr. yr. Yes guardianship papers had to be signed. I trust no matter what you do, you will do it with a heavy heart, and with the best outcome for SkaterBoy. He is truley blessed to have you for a mom! *hugs*

Pastormac's Ann said...

What a TOTAL bummer, Cakes. I'll definitely be keeping you in prayer.

chris said...

this makes my throat get choked. if i had answers i would share, but i guess you'll just have to wait for that still, small voice.

Jenni said...

Oh gosh, Kate, how heart-rending. I'm in tears over this for you. Probably in part because I'm standing at the mouth of the cave myself, waiting for an answer of my own. Habakkuk 2:1 spoke to me plainly this morning.

I will be praying for you, sweet friend.

Melanie said...

Praying you are led to make the best choice for your family. (((HUGS)))

julie said...

I will be praying for you as you have to make this very hard decision. Have faith. I am sure God has a very special plan for Skaterboy. I know it must be very hard.


Anonymous said...

I can only imagine how hard this is for you. When I was a single parent I moved to another State in SA and my mom wanted to keep my son for the 1st 3 months till I settled in. I felt very torn with what was best for him as he was 4 at the time. In the end I took him with me amidst much concern and heartache for my parents.
I pray God will give you a solution great for all of you. He will of course. mel