Saturday, March 29, 2008

Updates and all that.

You have to use those kind of titles on your posts when you shirk off the responsibility of being a good bloggette. If it makes you feel any better, I have not just been ignoring my blog but I've been ignoring yours, as well. By Bloglines feed is bending beneath the weight of 112 unread posts.

As far as this pregnancy goes, same old same old (who'd of thought I had this much blood in me?), no news is good news. I'm 12 weeks now and it is getting increasingly difficult to hide. I pray for life, but if death must come I wish it would hurry up already. My loss at 13 weeks was by far my most traumatic.

I've spent the last week up to my ears in worry and planning with Skaterboy. I've told you before about the sweetness and goodness of this young man. And he really is. But, this child of mine seems bound and determined to have no future. What I wish for this 16 year old is the life of a regular old teenager. One where he goes to school with his friends and then drives to work a couple of days after school and then out with his friends on the weekend. Maybe to a football game or a homecoming dance. Sure I might have to get on his case about his grades. Maybe ground him for curfew violations or even have to deal with issues like drinking or sex.

He really is a good kid. Never in any real trouble. But, this is actually a frustration for me. Not that I'm looking for a hellraiser, but a kid that...does something. He has no motivation toward anything. I even told Chowder once that at least if he was a drug dealer he would be like an entrepreneur. He'd never steal a car because it would take to much work.

So, here we are. He failed all of his classes last semester (he is enrolled in our debunked school district's Virtual Academy) and is well on his way to doing the same this semester. Meaning failing freshman year...twice. (If you are new to the Skaterboy saga, it is complex and you may have to read some back story to understand how we, as parents, let this happen.) I haven't given him a dime since he turned 16, because once you are old enough to make your own spending money, you're too old for allowance. No job. He just does without. etc. etc. If you ask him what he's going to do in the future, he just gives blank stares. There is no part of his life right now where he is experiencing success. And that is where my biggest concern lies. What this life of failure does to his psyche.

I was talking to My Chicks about all this, and I realize now with the utmost of shame that I had lost hope in my own child and in myself as a mother. One of My Chicks jumped onto her gallant white steed and rode to our rescue. She is a recruiter for a tech high school in the county. She came to my house and ran Skaterboy through a whole gambit of evaluations and tests that helped to flesh out what kind of future might be fulfilling to him. And then, better than just a dream, she gave us a plan. What Skaterboy needs to do to get this accomplished.

What he needs to do is salvage this semester, go to summer school and hopefully start next year as a sophomore. And then next year, he will move out into the county with my mom so he can attend this school. And when he is done, he'll have a diploma and certification and training if he decides not to go on to college. I know I know. I should have just done that this year. (It's kind of like IVF when I just wanted to try everything else first and still ended up with IVF, just years and thousands of dollars later.) So, yes, I will be signing over guardianship, but he'll be 17 by then and only a year before he's legal anyway. Plus, they are overdeveloping out there and a whole slew of shops and restaurants just opened up within a mile of my mom's house. They've got to be looking for a bunch of dumb kids to do crappy jobs. And hopefully he will come up with enough money to get a car. (I will match him dollar for dollar, but I won't work harder for his car than he is willing to work.)

Better than all of this...It's not my plan. It's Skaterboy's plan.

I have decided to postpone my own return to school until the fall. My first priority right now is to get him through. So, I will still be adhering to my New Year's resolution of starting in 2008. It will just be the fall of 2008 and not the summer.


JLP said...

Missed you! So glad to hear an update.

I think this is a great plan. I remember you considering this before, and I thought it was a good idea at the time (but certainly don't fault you for not being able to do it then).

Still praying for Sweeting.

gem said...

So good to hear from you, I always worry when things go quiet. first on the pregnancy.. still cannot think of anything to say other than hang in there and we are all thinking of you.
Re Skaterboy: It must be so worrying, trying to make the right decisions yourselves and trying to help him take some control of his life. My oldest is still only 13 but I can so identify with wanting to try and help them through all the difficulties and get them out the other end unscathed. Sounds like you have a good plan in mind. I always tell myself that when they find their own thing they will get fired up for it so hopefully that will happen soon.
Again good to hear from you.

Multi-tasking Mom said...

I am so happy that the pregnancy is still looking good, but knowing the pain of a 2nd trimester loss, I do understand the trepidation that each week brings until you have passed that milestone.

I can relate to your fears about Skaterboy's lack of motivation, I see it in my DS#1 too. But it sounds like you have a good relationship with Skaterboy and he is a wonderful kid with the makings of a wonderful man. Maybe all he needs is to get out there and find his passion in life, and it sounds like his plan will help him do just that.

Jenni said...

Thank you so much for the update, Kate. I have been thinking of you constantly!! I'm so excited that Skaterboy has actually come up with his very own plan. I pray he finds success and the joy that comes with that.

Mel said...

Have you seen the Dr Seuss movie... Horton hears a who. Or something like that. The teenage son of the mayor made me think of your son and countless other teenage boys out there. He will find his groove if he hasn't found it already. He is your boy remember, owner of excellent genes!
Glad Sweeting is OK, I have checked your blog OC a few times every day.

julie said...

So glad your little baby is still OK. I am praying for you.

That sounds like a great plan for Skaterboy. I have a sixteen year old boy also and it is really hard to make them do something they don't want to. So great this is his plan. I'll be praying for him too!