Tuesday, November 06, 2007

The toughest parenting choice, so far...pt.2

That was a really vague crappy post. I see that now. I forget how much I have said where.

Here is some background. The last time I talked to Skaterboy about sex was 3 months ago. I asked if he had had sex and he said, no. I believed him. I didn't see his relationship having progressed that far. He now has a new girlfriend and I feel like every relationship gets us closer to that point. I still don't think that he has had sex. But at his age, that could change at any moment.

So, even though Chowder and I had a firm position and had been (hopefully) preparing him for years, now that we are staring it in the face we are trying to decide if all that we have done in preparation is enough. And of course with my history figured in that adds a whole different aspect to where my brain is.

I agree with Valerie that I need to stop talking about it to everyone else and just talk to Skaterboy about it. That is one thing I can tell you with black and white certainty, wherever you stand in the spectrum (whether for abstinence only or you're taking a picture of your daughter's first condom to put in her baby book), you must have this conversation. and not just once. but over and over.

Is it crazy awkward? Folks, it's brutal. But, it will hopefully spare your child from more brutally awkward conversations such as, "Mom, Dad, I know I'm only 19 and a sophomore in college, but I'm pregnant." or "Hi Mr. and Mrs. X, I know you have such a great life set up and everything. And I know I'm just a dumb teenager, but I've decided to keep my baby."


annie said...

I only have little kids, but I know you're absolutely right about talking to them over and over again.
I speak as the child of a minister whose parents gave all of us ONE conversation. Sadly, out of six kids, not one single kid chose abstinence.

Erika said...

My daughter is only 11 months old so the conversations you need to have in reality are only theoretical for me.

That said, I was talking to my therapist about my parenting style (permissive) and she stopped, took a long look at me, and said, "If you don't teach her what 'no' means and what solid boundaries are, how is she going to be able to say 'no' when she's fifteen and a boy is pressuring her?"

"GAAAAH!" I replied. "Thanks for that!" And really, it's what sticks in my mind when my little one and I have our little power struggles. I choose my battles, but when I say NO, I mean NO. And hopefully, I will be consistent about this throughout her life so that she'll have that one component ('no') down. I can't guarantee that she'll have the self-esteem and the chuzpah and whatever other tools she'll need so that she will WANT to say no ... but I am working on it!