Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Hi. My name is Cakes and I'm a Habitual Aborter.

It isn't a title I am particularly proud of. Not like "Destroyer of Dreams" that Chowder has dubbed me because of my need to insert common sense into his schemes. It was a crown I had hoped to have packed up in a box and put in the closet. I have Ladybug. She evened out my brood. 5 losses-5 live children. It was a lovely neat little balance. And as a bonus, we were ending our season on a win. not a loss.

We weren't trying to get pregnant. We have actually been working quite hard to avoid it. While working through my before mentioned panic, I stopped and realized that I really don't want to be pregnant right now. In a year or so? maybe. But, Chowder and I have also had a very strong stirring in our hearts toward adoption. I was at peace with where we were and where we were headed.

But, last month my cycle was very screwy and then this cycle, my temps were all over the place. We obviously got the timing wrong. But, I couldn't believe that we got the timing wrong. and then there was that peace I was feeling. and for me that peace always leads to that dastardly "hope."


Jenni said...

What a horrible, horribly negative, title. I wish the crown was not yours to wear. I wish there was no such thing.

I wish I was there to give you a hug.

Sandra said...

Maybe adoption is for you the evener...and ending on another win!

It was for me.

Many hugs all around.

And yes, I'm still reeling from the almost-meeting we had!


DaniGirl said...

Aw, Cakes, I'm very late to this post, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry, so sorry, about another little one lost. It's heartbreaking...