Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Cakes Official Week of Self-Pity

You might want to tune out for this week. I've given myself this week to wallow in my self pity. Next week, I'll just have to snap out of it because...well hell, life goes on doesn't it? and I have a beautiful life of blessing that need tending.

It's hard because Chowder already seems to have moved past this loss. It was so much shorter than all of our others. A mere 6 weeks and we only "knew" for 3 days before the bleeding began. no ultrasound pics. no lingering heartbeat that we put all of our hopes behind until finally it just stops. no dreadful betas. just one little test. and one little embryo.

I, of course, have the constant reminder of what we have lost. (I hate these stupid pads.)
and I have the guilt.
and the emptiness. that vast hole of emptiness left behind once life has exited.

3 comments:

Jenni said...

Wallow away, dear Kate. The occasion infinitely warrants doing so.

PastorMac's Ann said...

Aw Cakes...I'm so sorry.

Mel said...

You are allowed to have a pity party for as long as you want to. Even though some of us don't know you and live a billion miles away we will even attend with you. Really sorry for your broken heart and too many lost little babies.