Thursday, September 18, 2008

Today, I'm going to be a good mom AND have a clean house.

So, now that I have started my lovely new index card system, my laundry is all done, there is no crap laying around, my kitchen floor has been clean for 4 days, my meals are planned and my grocery list is made, my bills are paid, and the bathrooms (yes, even the children's bathroom) are sparkling. *sigh* loverly.

My kids? Well, let's just say that every night they ask me hopefully if I'm going out. Or when they got home from school yesterday they heard me pull out the shoe crate from under the bench in the hallway and they enthusiastically yelled their good-byes only to discover that I was simply putting away Jellybean's errant shoes that had been left on the floor. Their faces dropped and Jellybean mumbled, "Sorry, Mommy."

I don't know what my deal is. I can't seem to get everything up to the good-enough standard. I have to instead go cyclically from one area of my life to the next cleaning up the chaos and bad feelings I left behind while neglecting the other areas leading to chaos and hurt feelings. I know part of it is ADD and hyperfocus and the typical ADD cycles. But, ugh how I crave that much philosophied and New Age-ified BALANCE. I'm hoping that once I get the index card system up and running I'll be able to relax a bit and focus on the reason why I have the stupid file box in the first place. To give me the space and opportunity to nurture the people I love around me.

Chances are though, the file box will just start to gather dust until I can't stand the state of the house anymore.

7 comments:

gem said...

I am going out on a limb and here and am about to get very bossy, please do not get upset! You must give yourself a break. You are 37 weeks pregnant. You have 4 children 6 and under and one teenager. You are just starting a college course and in the middle of it all you are trying to run your house and family to a very high standard. You are doing a fantastic job and your children think you are amazing. (I know they do). Please give yourself the credit you deserve. Mind yourself. I will understand if you never "speak" to me again!

Cakes said...

LOL!
oh yes. I make it a point to NEVER talk to people who stroke my ego and lovingly put things into perspective. How very unfortunate for you!

;)

wayfarer said...

You just might be nesting. I'm slowly becoming a cleanaholic and i am not even close to being one normally but as the due date moves closer, i get cleaner.

gem said...

I think I was transferring! I get very cross when people tell me I take on too much, when I know I do. My mother is always saying it and I see it as a criticism of how I rear the kids (hence hyperparenting etc!)
Wayfarer may be right, maybe you are nesting, in which case you should take a little holiday and come and nest in my house where there are endless jobs to be done! LOL.

Mel said...

Hey, clearly nesting!
I can't say this on my blog cos people will hate me but in SA we all have domestic workers. If you are a poor student you have someone once a week to do your ironing and bathrooms. From there it goes on and some people who work, even have 2 nannies. One for the kids, one for the house. Many of us have live-in helpers and we are horribly lazy. I justify this by knowing I provide employment, housing and food for someone who wouldn't have it plus it means I can run BB but I do feel like a lazy shit sometimes. I honestly don't know how you girls do a house and kids too.

Jenni said...

LOL! Rest assured you are in good company here with me. Or maybe I'm bad company. Bad company sounds more exciting. At any rate, we are one and the same in our wild swinging from one extreme to another. WOO HOOOOOOOO!!! Stop the ride! I wanna get off!!

((((hugs)))), though...because I know how nauseated it makes me feel in the end...

Simply-Mel said...

I with Mel (I am another Mel from SA!) and I have full time home help and I STILL pull my hair out. So stroke your ego and know that you are DOING AN OUTSTANDING JOB! I honestly dont have a frigging *clue* how you do it.