Tuesday, August 22, 2006

oh Eve...not the apple again

yes. yes. YES! the apple again. For fear of disclosing info about my location, we will call these Wonder Apples. Though I would love to send you all out searching desperately for them, in the interest of protecting all the parties involved that the apple will remain anonymous.

The Wonder Apple was supposed to come out last Monday. But the stupid pecan farmers couldn't get their acts together well enough to get a couple of tons of premium chopped pecans to my local confectioner on time! How hard is it, people?!?! You grow the pecans, you harvest the pecans, you roast the pecans, you deliver them to my local confectioner where they take the beautiful crisp tart Granny Smith apples, dunk them in the richest creamiest caramel you can imagine and then finally dunk them into your humble harvest of nuts. So instead, for the last 8 days I have become an apple stalker. I have called everyday to find out if the Wonder Apples were ready. Please understand. This is a very small window of time. One week out the 10 they are available is...well, one whole week!

I will confess to you all my profound addiction to the Wonder Apples. I have a 2-3 a day habit. 2-3 whole Wonder Apples. They had to have been joking when they made a half of a Wonder Apple a serving. Kind of like the 2 Girl Scout cookie serving that I have always assumed meant 2 sleeves. I need them desperately. I go against my own morals and values to get them. They are only available at the confectioners or at a chain of grocery stores that I have completely boycotted because they refuse to build in the city. But even these convictions are not strong enough during Wonder Apple season. Last Year, I was working part time at Borders bookstore and there were 2 Satan's Grocery stores within a mile of my work. Plus there was one right across the county line next to a carwash. It was a perfect set up. I could go in a buy up 6 Wonder Apples, make up some excuse about a Girl Scout meeting/Slumber Party/Grandma's favorite/Halloween party (becasue they give you odd looks when all you're buying is 6 giant Wonder Apples.) and I could have a pretty good rotation going on so nobody knew I was completely insane. Plus, my husband was amazed at the really shiny van we had for 10 weeks.

So, today I am driving Behemoth packed full of darling little ones on the way to pick Skaterboy up from soccer practice. (I have to drive right by the local confectioner to get to his high school! *giddy hand clapping*) I drive by slowly checking for signs of the Wonder Apple and all I can find are ads for chocolate covered strawberries, which are lovely but not what I'm looking for. On the way back I see the sign. On the back of chocolate covered strawberry sign is Wonder Apples now available. This is where it gets sad and embarrasing. I pull Behemoth over and without even thinking about the fact that I have only $10 til tomorrow evening and I am supposed to be stopping to buy a gallon of milk (Back to School killed us this year) I run inside and buy not just 1 and then later a gallon of milk, I buy 2. leaving me $1 and some change.

When we get back to the house, I slice one to share with my protein and calcium deprived offspring and HIDE THE OTHER IN THE BACK OF THE FRIDGE TO EAT WHEN EVERYONE IS IN BED. That was just now. I have justified this activity with the fact that a growing Flea needs the fiber and protein and fat to thrive just weeks away from delivery. I haven't abandoned ALL of my children. The littlest ones need the most care.

and tomorrow...I'll be picking Skaterboy up from soccer practice again. Dearie better get his ass to the bank in time.


Samiam said...

Yum! I know where you live. Wish it were closer to me so I could pick up some apples and drive on over. I am drooling!