That's Mrs. Sucker to you, Pal

Don't ask how this happened, but here is Po Po...




ok, go ahead and ask.

Why do we have another kitten?

Well, the lady who fostered Crinkle McSunshine called me today to see if we would take her brother. I said, No. She told me she would pay the adoption fee, because she really thought we would be the perfect family for him. And he and Crinkle were always best buddies. She also gave us her pet carrier. Plus, I had read how having two litter mates was actually easier than just one.

And the topper? They have the same birthday as Meatball and Jellybean.

ridiculous.

How the dead constantly remind us who they were...

Just to show what kind of woman my Grandma was, I got a call last night from my uncle. My Grandma passed away in June. Chowder and I have been a little surprised at how slow the dispersal of her estate has been. I haven't given it a lot thought until last night.

My uncle asked me to help him with something. He wants me to go on a search. A treasure hunt of sorts. It appears that nobody can find my grandma's will. He is calling everyone who has inherited pieces of furniture to search the underneath of drawers, inside of bed rails, basically any place that she could have taped the damn thing. This is the woman who when she moved from the house that she had been living in for 50 years we had to search the rafters for oatmeal cans filled with silver dollars. We found 23 of them. We don't know how many we left behind.

I asked if their was a bonus for the one that found it, kind of like finding the baby in the cake.

She's here...

but as yet, unnamed.

Momma Trauma

There is nothing quite like a nice little break down in the Sam's Club. You know what I'm talking about, folks. A good old fashioned public weeping. Yeah?

I had one tonight.

and out of the clear blue. I got my 10 gallons of milk? check. My 4lbs of butter? check. 15 lbs of sugar? check. I check everything off of my list and head through the book aisle. Sometimes something screams out to me. This time, not really. But I see some bible studies from the Women of Faith series. I'm not always fully aligned with their views on Christianity, but you never know when God is going to poke you in the eye. So, I pick up "Embracing God's Design for Your Life" and I start paging through it. My thoughts? Nah. too much work! Jeez all these questions! And I hate bible studies that are biblical treasure hunts. First read this verse in Isaiah and then move along to this verse in 1 Corinthians and then off to Psalms. Enough already!! Pick a verse and let's go with that! *pant pant*

Anyway, so I've decided "no dice" and I'm about to put it down and that's when God gives me a big ole poke in the eye.

"Do you know what my two favorite things about you are, Mom?" my son asked me one day. "I like that you love your life, Mom, and I get to be in it."

Wha? What? Holy Kamoly, people! Why don't you just poke me in my other eye and put me out of my misery?! So, right there in the book aisle of Sam's Club...I crumbled.

I do love my life. But, do my kids know that? Do they only see me struggling through? When I am shuffling them out of the way so I can make their dinner or clean the bathroom or do their laundry? When I let out a sigh that the shakes the eaves of this house? When I become overrun with resentment toward Chowder? Can they think they are anything but a burden to me? My heart breaks just imagining this feeling in my children.

I come from a long line of martyrs. I wish they were of the faith persuasion, but know they are of the lifestyle persuasion. I still don't think my mother truly is glad that I am her child. I know I don't get the feeling that her grandchildren are a joy to her. Sometimes, I can feel myself modeling this same victimhood to my children. I hate it! I hate to my core! And I struggle to make it go away. But, it feels so deep inside me. It feels so much a part of who I am. But, it isn't true. It isn't real. It isn't the person the God created. And it certainly is not the person I want my children to grow up with.

So, yep. Sam's Club got an extra $5.99 of my money tonight. Looks like I have some work to do. Prayers? if you got 'em.

Bathtime at the Cakes' House

Thank God for giant, old, claw foot tubs!

and another thing...

The more I have talked to Chowder about this, the more I realize that what is really bothering me is that this is a control issue. It reminds me so much of something my mom would do. She is famous for giving gifts and then telling you what to do with them. The amazing thing about great literature is that we all come to it from different places and get so many different things from it and our interpretations are all different.

Can you imagine if Emily Dickinson showed up and told you how to interpret her poems? I was given the gift of Harry Potter and now she wants to hang over my shoulder and make sure I'm interpreting it the way she intended. Too bad. I never read Dumbledore as gay. I read him as asexual. kind of like a monk. And now I'm pissed that the know-it-all author is showing up and telling me that my reading of the character is wrong! If she wanted him to be gay then she should have written that. She can't keep "clarifying" the characters for us. It is ruining the books. She needs to stop giving interviews about the whole series.

Alright. I'll give my useless opinion.

On the whole Dumbledore thing.

I'm irritated. I really am. I'm irritated at J.K. Not because I care that he is gay, but because I don't care. It's not like the rest of the characters had to have their sexual orientation spelled out. It is irrelevant to the plots of any of the stories. And I DON'T CARE! But, now we have to be talking about it and debating it and discussing whether it's something my kids should be exposed to. And the fact is completely irrelevant.

I don't sit down with my children and say, "OK honey. Al and Charlie (our next door neighbors that we adore) are gay." and explain all of the implications (moral, ethical, social, cultural) that it involves. Just as we don't sit down and say, "Rafael and Yoli (our other next door neighbors that we adore) are Puerto Rican." and explain all of the implications (moral, ethical, social, cultural) that that involves. The best way we explore diversity is by seeing the person outside of the context of their diverseness.

and besides I'm still convinced that there was something going on with McGonagall.