Speaking of Faith

Turns out I don't have any.

I've been thinking and praying about this a lot lately. A couple of things really got me examining this. First, the book If You Want to Walk On Water You've Got to Get Out of the Boat by John Ortberg and then the book The Myth of a Christian Nation by Gregory Boyd. In Ortberg's book he discusses our comfort zone as our boat. The things that we can't leave behind to be in full communion with Christ. In Boyd's book, he discusses our patriotism as a form of idolatry.

Now, patriotism is not my problem...but my family is. I don't trust God with my family. There I said it. I realize that Christianity/Catholicism has become a "lifestyle" for me instead of a pure expression of my faith. I read my bible every night, I pray and examine my conscience, I confess, I look for inspiration and how to better order my life. You see, I acknowledge Christianity as a wonderful, ethical, moral way to live your life. The loving your neighbor, the letting go of materialism, the caring for the poor and oppressed, the sacrificing yourself for those around you. I even use the bible as my primary parenting manual. I start and end each day looking at my parenting and whether I am expressing God's love to HIS children in a way that is fitting to the responsibility I have been given in raising them. And ditto for my marriage.

Sounds great, huh? But, I now realize I am nothing but a clanging gong. I don't trust God. He is too unpredictable for my tastes. He makes me nervous. Let's face it, there are plenty of good faithful people who have horrible things happen to their families. Hell, look at Job! Sure he got replacements for everything in the end, but I don't want any replacements, thank you very much. I want everyone that I have right now. safe. here. with me. You can have the house, the van, the life savings, but leave my family alone. They have become my idol.

I know what I have to do. I know that somehow I have to turn them over to his care. to truly believe that my children are first and foremost HIS children. But, the reality is. I don't want to. I'm too scared. I know that I can only protect my family with God's help. But that's just where I like it. With God helping me.

ugh. I have a lot of work to do. my boat is too comfy. I guess that leads me back to one of my favorite hymns but with less organ.

Love is....

Unadulterated joy. When your heart is so full that it bursts out of you.




Happy Love Thursday!

Not All in the Family

A few weekends ago, our neighborhood held it's annual art fair. It is a big big deal. And though Ladybug was only a couple weeks old, we all signed up to volunteer. Volunteering is something that is incredibly important to the health of our family. Even our troubled and difficult teenager (will blog about that someday) thrives when he is doing "Man's Work" with the other men of the neighborhood.

We live in a transitional, urban neighborhood that takes civic pride very seriously. (Does anyone remember that old cartoon where they say over and over, "Civic pride week, help beautify your city"?) And though we hear more police sirens than most people would be comfortable with, we love love love this neighborhood because of its community. My kids know and love all my neighbors and all my neighbors know and love my kids. We do quarterly block improvements, tending the block gardens and helping with anything neighbors need. For example, when my next door neighbor was putting in a brick patio, Skaterboy and Dearie were over there with another neighbor helping put it in.

So, for the Art Fair all of the kids helped rake leaves and pick up lawn debris in the boulevard so they could set up the tents. They love doing it. It gives them purpose and the feeling of belonging to something bigger. And God does command us to "Love our Neighbor"

I'm going to post some links over on the right to some great places to help you get started in finding family friendly things to do together to make the world a better place. It's important in this crazy, troubled world that we start to tip the balance and take away the fear. And you will be amazed at how naturally it comes to your children and how strong your family will become when you turn outside of yourselves and serve the world.

Cakes' Breastfeeding Tips pt.1

I promise I won't turn this into a strictly "Mommy Blog" but several new moms have asked for my breastfeeding wisdom (as if) and so I figured I'd put it down on blog paper. This not your basic info you can get from the books, It's just a bit of real world experience. So, definitely read the books. Please feel free to add your own tips in the comments section. This is part 1. I will add another installment next week that will include my favorite music to breastfeed by.

1.) Always, always, always ask for a lactation consultant in the hospital. This is the fifth baby I have breastfed and it still took us 2 days to perfect latch on. The hard part was that Ladybug was born at 11:42pm. I went to my recovery room around 1am. There are NO LC's around at 1am! I was lucky because I knew the signs of a bad latch (see number 2) but if I was a first time mom, and I was expected to breastfeed through the night, I'd've been screwed. Better yet, get yourself a nice doula/LC to help with delivery and recovery. You'll be amazed at how easy she will make things.

2.) Signs of a bad latch:

Dimples. Baby's cheeks should not dimple when she is nursing.

Mush mouth. Baby's upper lip should not be all mushy and sucked in.

Straw sucky noises. This is hard to explain. Noises from baby should be more "slurpy" sounding than kissy/straw sucking noises.

Bottom lip flipped down and out. Baby's bottom lip should be flipped open and under. Like if you just grab your bottom lip and pull it down in a pout.

3.) Lots and lots of lanolin for the first few weeks. I personally prefer the Lansinoh brand over the Medela brand, only because it is more liquified so easier to apply to the nipples. Though that can be easily fixed by rubbing the lanolin between your finger and thumb to warm it up. I also like to just apply a dob of it to my breast pad, especially during the ultra-sensitive time during engorgement when your milk first comes in.

4.) If it is going to touch your breast, make it cotton. No kidding. Cotton nursing bras and cotton breast pads (see #5). I have been particularly happy with the cotton nursing bras at Target sold under the Liz Lange label, and they are only $11.99 so you can stock up. I recommend 3 nightime bras and at least 3 daytime bras. The thing is, if they get wet from leakage you really need to change it. The dried milk can begin to grow bacteria and if that gets into your milk ducts, you're in trouble sister. I have battled mastitis. It is not at all fun. Very very miserable and painful. Target's nursing "sport bra" makes a nice sleep bra. I don't think it is near enough support to do any real exercising in, but it is very comfy. I would also stay away from underwires at least for the first few months. The underwire can put too much pressure on a milk duct and cause it to clog. Clogged milk ducts are also very uncomfortable.

5.) Leakage. In the beginning it is inevitable. I have found personally that after a few months when my milk supply evens out, I don't have near the amount of problem with leakage as in the beginning, especially, right after your milk comes in. Again I recommend using cotton nursing pads. I love love these I go through probably 4-5 pairs a day/night in the beginning. So, having 10-12 pairs on hand would be helpful. I wash mine with my baby laundry, but bleach them once a week to be sure to kill bacteria and to wash away some stubborn lanolin. I do use disposable breast pads when I go out, b/c the cotton ones don't fully protect against the early month's let downs, though you can help a bit by pushing the offending breast in and up. I like the Lansinoh ones and it's nice because they come individually wrapped so you can throw a few in your diaper bag and purse. But at home I use only cotton because eventhough the disposables say they are breathable, if they are leak-proof there can't be a whole lot of breathing going on, which can lead to cracked and irritated nipples. To help keep my cotton ones dry, when I nurse at home I undo both sides of my bra and hold a burp cloth up to my free breast. Again, once it gets wet change it.

Henceforth to be known as...Ladybug

Ladybug arrived on September 21st at 11:42 pm. She weighed in at 7lbs 14 oz and was a towering (for my family) 21 inches tall.

Mom and baby are doing well. The rest of the family has lost its mind...

...to be a daughter's mother

If this little girl, this one with the goofy grin in her Snow White costume, this curious one who loves finding tadpoles, this sweet dear one that gives the best cuddles, this one that you waited so many years to have and fought so hard to keep safe until she was ready to be born, came up to you and said, "Mommy, why won't the other girls let me play with them?" would you crumble inside? Would you gather her into your lap and just cry? Because it was all I could do to not cry. All I could do to not walk over to the other little girl and put her over my knee. All I could do to stop the flash of all the other little girls that will make my daughter hurt, doubt herself, wonder what is wrong with her.

I don't know that I handled it well. I don't think I did. I said loud enough for the other two girls to hear, that sometimes girls were just mean. Some girls just don't know how to play with more than one other girl. Why? I don't know, but I do know that it hurts our feelings. Jellybean, doesn't understand girls. She gets so excited when there are other girls around because she has three brothers. And most girls and other kids in general absolutely love her. Love to play with her. She's sweet and fun and can play soccer as easily as dolls.

Unfortunately, there is one girl that does not like our daughter. or any of our kids, come to think of it. And more unfortunately, Janey is the daughter of my husband's best friend. I hate when we get together as families. And that is so hard because I love this couple. The wife is in my book/dinner club. She is so funny and irreverent and smart. But their kids...that's another story. You see, Jellybean was playing just fine with Katie, another 4 year old girl, after Janey refused to talk to her. (Before we went to this BBQ, Jellybean actually asked me what she should do if Janey wouldn't talk to her. I told her their would be plenty of other girls there, too.) Well, Janey finally decided SHE wanted to play with Katie and as quick as can be, Jellybean was cut off. Just like that. and they are only FOUR years old! Jellybean tried several brave times to get back into the action, but eventually played with her brothers and then by herself.

I know it is this one girl's problem, not Jellybean's. Plenty of kids like her. But think about it. Doesn't the one that doesn't like you begin to overpower all the others in your mind? You don't think about them. You focus in on why this ONE person doesn't like you and what must be wrong with you. And then I have to pray and pray that I am not also contributing to that feeling. When my ears are so exhausted from listening to her nonstop talk that I honestly fear they will fall right off. When she wants to be me so much that there isn't a chore that is too mundane for her to superglue herself at my side so she can attempt it. I pray that I am not mean, that I can be that reflection of Divine love, that I can help build a self-esteem so strong that no one can touch it. I thank God everyday that Jellybean will soon have a sister, God willing. And that eventhough there will be four years between them, Flea will always think that Jellybean is the greatest.

And when they are grown they will have each other. Sisters.

Last night my dinner club went out to a restaurant that Zagat's has rated in the top 10 in the nation. It was phenomenal. To my surprise, I walk in and at the reservation desk is standing a a man I was very good friends with in high school. A man I used to go to concerts with all the time. Everyone from 10,000 Maniacs to Nine Inch Nails (The Pretty Hate Machine tour.) We always had a great time. Unfortunately, it turns out he also had a monster crush on me. I seriously, had no idea. he never breathed a word. I ended up marrying another friend we hung out with in high school. ouch! Well, now he is Executive Chef of this restaurant.

The sad thing was, I was so happy to see him. I really liked him alot. He was such a fun, good friend. He came around and gave me a hug and we tried to chit chat, but it was crazy awkward. (I think it had a lot to do with the Hilary Clinton hair that I'm sporting right now while I try to grow it out. Honestly, yesterday I finished drying it kind of down and Dearie gave me a bit of a grimace. I told him to stop looking at me like that. He said, "Like what?" I said, "Like, 'Nice wig.'" It's very very bad right now.) Anyway, he was just weird. And that made me sad.

But then, after we had all ordered (they have this great 1/2 entree for 1/2 price thing so you can basically order two entrees and get to try lots of stuff) well, suddenly this other food starting appearing that wasn't even on the menu! Compliments, you know. And it was all incredibly tasty. I ordered The Pan Roasted Marinated Chicken with Local Yard Bean and Sweet Corn Succotash, Roasted Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Sweet Corn Sauce AND Char-Grilled Hanger Steak with Amish Blue Cheese “Tater Tots”, Creamed Local Spinach, Collinsville Horseradish. Blue cheese tater tots?! They were incredible! Yummy yummy yummy,

Then, we were debating deserts and we ordered, but out came our waitress with this three-tierd tray with basically two of every desert on the menu, plus this custom arrangement of goat cheeses...I was in heaven and shoveling the stuff in left and right. I had to be rolled out of the restaurant. And I thought, phew! I must have misread that whole encounter. I mean crap! It's Friday night at this hot restaurant and he's the freakin EXECUTIVE CHEF!! Well, we spent 3 hours there eating and drinking (1 glass of red wine, people, relax!) and I asked my waitress if he had time to come out and say good bye so we could thank him. The waitress came back and told us he was cleaning himself up and would be out in a second.

He came out, we ooohed and aaaahed and thanked him. But again, he was really really... weird. Not at all comfortable talking to me. And I left, sad. My friends agreed with my assessment so I know it isn't just my paranoia. And it's bothering me. I'm thinking about sending a simple thank you note and then just leaving it alone. But would that be appropriate? And I loved the restaurant and I know Dearie would love it too. I don't want him to think he has to do special treats if I come back. He invited Dearie and I to come in, but from his weirdness, I don't know if he really means it. It seems tacky to me. But, it's not like I can sneak in, if he came out and saw me...that would be really tacky.

ugh! maybe I should just leave it alone, alone.