Wednesday, February 20, 2008

So, how am I?

Yes, Elizabeth, I'm 7 weeks. Thanks for thinking of me. I told Chowder that if I make it to 8 weeks, I will call my OB and make an appointment. I don't know how long it will take to get in, but I imagine within the week. They will do an u/s in the office so we can see if we've even made it to heartbeat. I have made it to heartbeat 3 out of my 6 miscarriages so that will only be the first hurdle. My latest loss was at 13 weeks, so that will be my safety zone. I wish I could say that this pregnancy felt different or more hopeful, but it doesn't.

I'm exhausted. Not just from the pregnancy and lack of food (nausea) but because I had to go off of my OCD medication. So, my obsessive thoughts are starting to kick in. Last night I spent three hours laying in bed with the phrase, "Yes we can to opportunity and prosperity," a quote from one of Barack Obama's speeches, replaying over and over in my head. Then I spent the next hour berating myself for wasting 3 hours. I'm sure my other blog will become a lot more active. *sigh* I hate going through all of this for nothing.

On a brighter side, I have spent the last 3 nights watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice with yummy Colin Firth over and over. I love that movie. I think I'll watch disc 2 again tonight.

10 comments:

Mel said...

Sorry you are having a bit of a shitty time. Can't you take some rescue to make you sleep and calm you a little? What about other preg safe AD's? Tersh stayed on her whole preg and it helped lots.
Can't imagine how scary it is worrying about losing this little person and stuck between wanting to love it like crazy and keeping your heart safe.
Praying for His peace!

valerie said...

{Hugs} thinking of you lots.

Misty said...

this brought back a chapter in my life which was a lifetime ago! After 6 pregnancies and 7 miscarriages (one was twins which I lost 8 weeks apart) I remember those hurdles. The times when you could breathe a sigh of relief. The fear. For us, it never resulted in a baby and we are finally ok with that... But that was such a dark time...

Mary said...

I'm not religious but I say a prayer for you and the little sweeting almost every night. Thank you so much for the update. Wishing you much peace with the OCD.

Jenni said...

Wish there was ANYTHING I could say to bring comfort and a little peace...but I'm praying that God holds you tightly and gives some relief in the midst of turmoil.

(((HUGS))) Thank you for the update. You've been so heavily on my mind and heart but I didn't want to *bug* you with questions!

Marlee said...

Ooooh! I've been watching Pride and Prejudice on PBS that last two weeks--I LOOOOOOOVE IT!!! :)

Hope everything goes well for you. Thanks for the update...I've been wondering too. Sending up prayers for you!

gem said...

As some of the others said, you have been in my thoughts but I didn't want to ask, figuring that you would update at your own pace. I'm glad everything is ok thus far but understand completely that you are a long way from relaxed. I wish we could all help in some way but I think you are onto something with Colin Firth, he should be a good distraction! Mind yourself.

Niki said...

Thinking of you and praying for you! Hugs Cakes!!

Jenny said...

I have been thinking of you for the past couple of weeks.
Glad to hear all is ok.

Elizabethw said...

I am pulling for you and thinking of you so often. I know we don't really "know" eachother, but I find you to be a brilliant and inspirational person. I am so hoping that this little baby goes the distance.

Elizabeth