The One Flea Circus

Today was my 34 week OB appointment. It was here that I was given the vague instruction to take it easy for a few weeks. hmmmm.... "Take it easy for a few weeks." I wonder what that will look like. Flea is doing well, but it seems she has already engaged and I have already begun to dilate to 2cm. Funny story though, Just as she shoved her forearm up my hoo-ha, Dearie calls on my cellphone (He has his own ring) I laughed and said it was my husband, to which my OB replied, "My, he's territorial!"

Now as my OB said, it is very possible that I could go past my due date having been dilated to 2. But, she just wants to be a little cautious and make sure I get to at least 37 weeks, since I did go into preterm labor twice with the twins. As if this pregnancy wasn't already lasting longer than Elle's, I now have this possibility of going early dangling in front of me. Since this will be my last pregnancy, I am trying to savor every last moment of it. But I must admit, I'm done. already.

This makes me sad. I really want to take note of every last detail. Take my chance to get/do everything right. But, then there is reality. It also makes me sad that this will be my last. I know, I know, I have 5 already, already! And the looks and comments from the nurses and doctors at the Infertilty Clinic that we used was more than enough. I know how lucky we are. I know how blessed we are. God knows I know. And I have had such an amazing and lucky infertility journey. I have met and cycled with some of the most amazing funny supportive women I've ever had the pleasure of supporting and being supported by. And I know that my journey has been ridiculously easy compared to some. But now, when Flea comes to us healthy and beautiful, I will have broken even. I'll have my 5 kids to balance my 5 losses. How could I think of messing with that balance. And at some point you have to give up the trying-to-conceive and get on with enjoying your children. I am fully ready to move past my reproductive years.

Just please, God, let us have Flea healthy and beautiful...