Sunday, August 27, 2006

15...There's still time for you.

ahhhh...15. 15 sucks. 15 was definitely the hardest age. and you are. Mothering 15 is even harder. trying to let you be who you are, who God is trying to break out of this childhood shell. Trying not to fix everything that I did wrong at 15. Trying not to make your 15 world's above my 15. But, that's just it, isn't it? It's YOUR 15 not mine.

I don't have any idea what boy 15 feels like. I only know what girl 15 felt like, and it sucked. 16 will be better, 17 will be even better, 18 you're tops, 19 was my favorite. 19. I was only 4 years older than you are now when I had you. 19. What a baby. with a baby. But, we've done alright. We've come through.
But, 15. 15 and only making the bench for the freshman soccer team. 15 and having a great girl for a "girlfriend" someone who is your friend, who likes what you like, who plays guitar with you, who listens and cares for all the worries that I can't help with anymore...because you're 15.

15 and starting fresh at highschool. 15 and wanting to do good, wishing everyone would get off your case and just let you do good. 15 and being an awesome big brother to a sudden brood of little brothers and sisters after 11 years of being an only child. 15 and wanting to connect but trying to figure out how on this new playing field.

Your 15 makes me cry for the growing pains you'll go through, the uncertainity, the fear. A mother's fear that you won't make it through. That you'll hurt too much. That I won't be enough....and I won't. I'll pray hard for you everday you're 15. Pray that you'll know what we know, that there is a strength and a sweetness and a generosity and a sense of humor and of creativity that the Divine has written on your heart. And you WILL find your place. There's still time for you. Take it slow. Have faith. Have hope. Believe in love.