All my piggie ladies...

I am ordering a hog next week and I want some tips on butchering. I would love to have sausages and bacon made, but I'd also like to make some myself. I think it would be a cool thing for the kids to experience. once!

So, I know I have several readers that keep pigs and I would love to know your suggestions on a cut list and what I should ask the butcher for. (Do I ask the butcher to give me the casings?) AND your fave sausage and bacon recipes.


and think of me tomorrow. I'll be all nervous and shy at my new school all day.

Muddy Waters of forgiveness...

I'm wading through some muddy waters right now. I can't see where the drop off is. If the bottom is firm. If there is danger below. I've been standing on one side of this river. A woman, my old friend, is on the other.

Our friendship started when we were teenagers. We spent summers driving around in the "frolic-mobile" eating French baguettes hot from the baker's oven and drinking ice cold Dr. Peppers in 46 oz cups, going from yard sale to yard sale looking for some thing that made us laugh or we just had to have. We went away to college together. We played hours of Rummy and starred in my TV show. We broke up. And then a year or so later came back together with the air of inevitability that our friendship seemed to have. I became pregnant and she didn't say, "You have to get rid of it." the way my other friends did. (She and Chowder were the only two.) We waited tables together. We moved in together. We sat for long hours out on our balcony smoking cigarettes and listening to music. We made up stories about limbless cats, victims of tragic factory accidents, and wrote some good and some melodramatic poetry. We went through boyfriends and husbands.

There was an intensity to our friendship that I can't put into words. The friendship consumed me, perhaps us. There would be long times of imbalance. and then resentment. and in 1998 when she quickly entered into an ill-advised marriage the intensity became too much. I held it together to go to the florist and make her a bouquet and to go home and bake her a wedding cake and to take her pictures and to go down to the courthouse and to help her pack her things into the back of her VW bug and to watch her drive away to Texas...and then it all combusted and fell down like ash. And I never spoke to her again.

She was never completely out of my life. One of my friends had married her brother. And another of my friends stayed in touch. I heard of her life. of the birth of her son. I came so close to mailing the beautiful blanket and small teddy bear I bought for him. so close. But, I just couldn't bring myself there again. I never felt anger. or judgment. or ill will. I have always wished her good things. I have always kept her in my prayers. I just couldn't bring her back into my life. I feared for my separateness.

but now we are at the same place on the riverbanks. directly across from each other.
And she has just called out my name.

Random things

My Week of Being There ended up more like three days of Being There. I didn't consciously give it up. It just happened. But, at least I have it in my mind now and I'm being more intentional about how I respond to the children.

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Thursday is my Residency day. I will be going to St. Mary-of-the-Woods College for my orientation, to purchase my books, and meet with my professors and adviser. Because I live several hours away and the orientation starts at 9:00 promptly, I am going up the night before and staying on campus. And because I am still exclusively breastfeeding, my mother is going with me and will spend the day with Sweeting so I can take breaks to feed her. Yay! Mom! I am both excited and nervous.

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I am having to put my New Year's Resolution on hold. I am about to start the Total Money Makeover and the part that has always gotten in my craw was that you were supposed to start by saving $1000. That would take us awhile. So, I'm going to use money from our tax return to get that part out of the way. I try to do a good job with money. And for the most part we do. But, there are some places that definitely need some cleaning up. And while we have less than $1000 in credit card debt, we still have Chowder's student loans from his last Master's Degree. I'd really like to get that paid down quickly.

So, when I know where we stand after our Makeover than I can judge a budget for the house.

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If you are about to plan your veggie garden or you would really like to get started on one this year, my friend Bridgett found this super cool Google Book called War Vegetable Gardening and the Home Storage of Vegetables ...By National war garden commission written during World War I. It is amazingly helpful and practical. It is written to help a complete novice and I am using it to make my plans. You should too.

Gee thanks, Octuplet Lady.

I belong to two online parenting communities. One is a parenting after IVF community and the other is parenting lots of kids. And while these may seem like opposing communities, they actually share a deep love for children. Both the ones hard fought for and easily gained. Many times I find myself an ambassador for the other perspective because I fit so neatly in between.

Both communities have been hit very negatively in the media and public sphere by the woman who just gave birth to Octuplets. If you have somehow managed to not hear about this, just Google it. Both communities have been invaded by reporters wanting to interview people about our experiences. With trepidation, some have given the interview. But, the articles portrayed the stories they wanted to tell. In the case of my large family friend who was interviewed, out of the dozens of pictures they took of the family, the NYT decided on the picture that showed them barefoot, standing in front of religious art and ripped wallpaper (from their autistic son.) hmmmm....Do you think the NYT had a vision they wanted to flesh out?

But, the communities are also now being invaded by "Critics." On the message board of my Lots of Kids community someone posed this question:

I am one of "those people" who has always disdained large families. But maybe you can change my perspective by sharing yours. Why is having lots of kids more important than providing the best life you can for each?

That isn't snark; I'm genuinely curious. Explain to me how you negotiate these tradeoffs.

I'm posting my response with some prettying up because I don't think this is an uncommon thought...

First off, I'm not sure why I'm supposed to convince you of anything. If you don't want a big family, don't have one. (And that was not snarky, either. I promise.) I think the main thing is that these days, we are not forced to have big families. We choose them. We choose them because, for us, it makes our lives fuller. If a family of one child or two makes your life fuller? Than that's the right family size for you.

And the phrase, "best life" is such a curious one. A completely subjective idea. What would have been the best life for me growing up would not necessarily be the best life for you. And how can you generalize so much about large families? It makes it sound like having only one or two children guarantees a "best life." I know plenty of children in one or two child families who get less attention from their parents than ours do. Our family has made conscious decisions that help us lead a life using a smaller footprint and using less resources than most one or two child families. The idea that family size somehow predicts happiness and fulfillment is absurd in my mind. Our kids come third (only after our faith and our marriage.) And they are very well cared for emotionally and physically.

I don't think people really know what life is like in our family. We laugh more than any other family I know. I still take plenty of time for myself and for my husband and I. I'm not a drone. Going about doing mindless work in a gray world. My children have taught me so much about myself and about how to relax and enjoy life. There is a perception that we are somehow this big ball of stress and chaos. Ok. maybe the chaos part is right, but we actually DON'T sweat the small stuff. For me, I love that insignificant things that should not occupy my time or thoughts...don't. Because, my time and thoughts are filled up with important things.

I love that I roller skate and write poems and bake depending on the different child. I'm learning how to knit with my daughter and play the guitar from one of my sons who is also teaching a little brother. My kids have each other to stand up for them against the world. (I overheard Porkchop and The Meatball talking about how they needed to talk with a girl at school because she was being mean to Jellybean) To help them with homework. (They are always challenging each other to do better.) Things they would rather get from each other than from a parent. But, they still get everything they could want or need from us.

Our youngest is 4 months old and I'm having to constantly tell my kids to chill out on the more siblings question. They want more! (ok. not Skaterboy.) They love their lives. We are a very laid back and fun family. Other families have commented on how they feel so comfortable around us because there is no drive to impress.

As far as the whole "older kids raising the younger kids" things I hear about all the time, again, I have to beat my kids off their younger siblings with a stick (and NO, not literally) I'm constantly telling them, "I'm the Mommy, I'll take care of that." And they are begging to do it instead. Should I then forbid them from helping their little siblings? Jellybean is the only one that Ladybug will allow to help her onto the potty. When I tried to stop her, Jellybean said, "Why? I want to help her?" and stomped off in a huff. And The Meatball helps Porkchop tie his shoes and button his oxford. Without my asking! Is it somehow bad that I'm raising children who love each other and want to help each other out? They are learning important relationship skills and it bonds them together.

Don't get me wrong. Life isn't always peachy. We have days of nonstop bickering (myself and Chowder included). I yell too much. The wet gray winter can get very long. The laundry pile can get very high. And the toilets get amazingly dirty. But, in my mind it all comes down to a game of Yahtzee. Brothers and sisters chanting for that last 4 for their brother's last roll of the dice and when it comes up a 3 they all groan together and when it comes a 4 they all raise a cheer and yell "Yahtzee!!"

My favorite things...slings

I'm a bit of a baby carrier addict. I love them. They make mommying so much easier and babying so much more comforting. With Ladybug, I purchased my first pouch sling from the amazing and talented Niki over at Coastal Slings. You really need to check out her website. You pick the fabrics email her your measurements and she custom makes your sling so it fits you perfectly. And she does it all quickly and frankly cheaply. Note that her prices are in Canadian.

Here's what I see when I look down into my sling at Sweeting...



and it doesn't take long until she looks like this...


With Sweeting, I ordered a ring sling from Raspberry Baby. What I like about the ring sling is its adjustability. And I like to be able to wear the baby on my chest kangaroo-ish style with the feet tucked in. She did a wonderful job the way she attached the rings is fabulous! and the fabric is beautiful. and she even switched it for me because I like to sling from left shoulder. Love it.


Here is brand spanking new Sweeting in my ring sling. She was the smiling-est newborn I ever saw...
and here's me, looking a little rough in the early days...


Both slings are from work at home moms and both are very professionally made. And I'm a bit of a snob about these things.

Lame List Post

Well, Niki did it so I figured I could too! Everyone and their (or my) mother have been tagged on Facebook to do the 25 Random Things.
Here are mine:

1.) One of my favorite things to do is scald myself in a bath while reading cookbooks cover to cover.

2.) I was traumatized as a small child because my mother sang "Leaving on a Jet Plane" to me as a lullaby. I was always surprised to see her in the morning.

3.) In college I was ostracized from my campus NOW chapter because they did not agree with my Choice.

4.) I love Anna Akhmatova's poetry but never talk about it because it sounds pretentious.

5.) I was once a Russian major in college and was going to translate post-revolutionary poetry for a living. That's how I planned to make my fortune.

6.) I can't be around my girl cat at night because she looks like an animatronic cat and completely creeps me out.

7.) I hate the beach. Hot, sand, saltwater, squishy things. No. Damn. Good.

8.) I love the new New York Style brand Rosemary and Sea Salt Foccacia Sticks. http://www.newyorkstyle.com/varieties_focaccia.php

9.) When I was pregnant with the twins I was 54 inches around. That's 4 feet 6 inches.

10.) I blew out the speakers of my Subaru blasting Chumbawumba. Yes, Chowder. I am finally admitting it.

11.) When we played Charlie's Angels, I was always Sabrina. Trisha was Kris, Kim was Kelly, and Danny was Bosley.

12.) When I was 8 years old I was peed on by an adult Malayan Tapir at the St. Louis Zoo. And not just a little. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWcWCTPRc_k&feature=related

13.) Ever since I was a little girl I have starred in my own TV show (in my head). My audience has always loved me and found me witty and wise.

14.) I always wanted a house full of 7 children.

15.) I am a catalog junkie. No worries. I recycle.

16.) I can't wait to turn 40! I like myself so much better as I get older. I think I am so much prettier too. This aging thing is awesome! so far...

17.) I can't stand to get my hands wet. I have been known to wear rubber gloves to give the kids baths. And to wash my hair. poor kids with the freaky mom.

18.) I get filled with rage when I see people litter! I mean, what the hell, people?! Just opening a car window and throwing out a bag of fast food trash?! Who raised you?

19.) I rarely drink more than a glass or two of wine because I am afraid of the alcohol abuse in my family.

20.) When my children are first potty training, I tell them all that Daddy loves to wipe butts and it would hurt his feelings if they asked me instead of him.

21.) I have been in love with my husband for 22 years.

22.) I yell too much. I'm afraid too much.

23.) I am a pastor's wife who doubts her faith daily.

24.) Seed catalogs are my pornography. Nothing but fantasies.

25.) I love road trips and hate flying. Even though it takes days to get there, I love them. Even with 6 kids. I'm looking forward to the road trip this summer to our family reunion. Too bad it's at a beach ;)

The Week of Being There

Yesterday began the Week of Being There. My week long experiment of not saying, "Just a minute" or "Hang on. Let me finish this." When I'm not doing anything important. When I'm on the computer or getting caught up in cleaning. Things that should not come before the kids. There obviously are things that I'm doing that I have to say, "Just a minute" to, like feeding Sweeting or taking a shower. But, in those cases I will tell them an exact time that I will do such and such with them. This does not mean I don't get any time to myself, it means that I waste a lot of time during the day, these days, that should be going to them.

So, yesterday was our first full day. And you know what? We had a great day! I had a lot of fun. We watched Sound of Music (reigniting my lifelong fantasies about Christopher Plummer), played Yahtzee, and did one of the kids' favorite things...We set up the camera on timer on one end of the room and then race to the other end to get our picture taken.

I'm looking forward to getting back to the things I love to do. and cracking out of this miserable shell.

grrrrr! What happened to the music?! It's so much funnier with Polka music!! Isn't everything?