My apologies to you all.

You have been so wonderful and prayerful and thoughtful and I have been so....distant. Remember how I have told you what a bad friend and I am and how I go bury myself in a cave, well that's what I've been doing. The weather hasn't helped. Sunday morning I woke up and it was gray dreary and snowing. Chowder came home to get us for church and I broke down crying with misery because of the oppressive weather. I am soooo in need of Spring. for real, Spring. Not this crappy fraudulent Spring. But today it is sunny. Did you read that, sunny! And the high is supposed to be 72 degrees! I've been outside in the garden! And I received a sweet email from a dear friend. Asking about me and my appointment on Friday. Here is my response...

What a dear friend.
I'm just really lazy and ambivalent toward my blog lately. I know I shouldn't because so many people are thinking of me and praying for me. very selfish. Thanks for the nudge.
My appointment was not without drama, well because that is the Cakes way. After 10 minutes of not being able to find the heartbeat with the doppler (14weeks) she very nonchalantly called for the u/s machine. Baby is still there, growing, and little heart beating away. God is determined to make me give up control of this one. I don't think he realizes who he's dealing with.

Now, off with you and snuggle your nose into the soft fleshy neck of your little one. Is there anyway you can waft some of that babay smell into a little vial and mail it to me? He looks like an especially good smelling baby.

So, that's where we stand. It's become....normal. I barely flinch anymore when I see the blood. I have absolutely no expectations about this at all, anymore. We still haven't told the kids, though we'll have to soon. I've had to make the jump to maternity clothes and once you do that, you look pregnant. or buttless. or in my circumstances, both. Plus, we are going to Indianapolis in a couple of weeks for my nephew's First Communion. They'll figure it out pretty fast and I want my kids to hear it first.

I'm coming out of the cave and standing at the entrance and feeling the warm sun on my face. Thank you to all who have waited and vigil-ed for me. I can feel your hands holding my hand.